I don’t know who or what has got a hold of Steve Konowalchuk’s jersey, but Steve certainly seems perturbed by this sudden turn of events. I would be looking a little freaked myself if I was in Steve’s place. Just look at the blue part of his jersey, just under the word “Capitals”. I can’t imagine the thing that could make a jersey look like that. Some sort of two-clawed beast, I suppose, but what the hell only has two claws. Three or four claws, sure, I can understand that, but two? That’s just weird.

Then again, I suppose it could be that mean-ass chicken that used to hang out with Link Gaetz when he was playing out in sunny San Jose. You remember that chicken, right?

Oh, yeah, he won first place for something, and I’m guessing it is for pecking the living s#!t out of other chickens, dogs, humans, you name it. Chickens have two claws that shoot out the front, and one at the back, right? I think I’ve found our culprit!