AHHHHHH!

Whoa, that’ll wake up you up fast! Thanks, Zarley, for sharing your crotch with all of us, but we really didn’t need that. Can you just imagine the poor kids who bought Upper Deck cards back in the day and the first one they pull out of the pack is this? I know I ask that question a lot in these inductions, but it’s really the first thing that always comes to mind when I analyze the goofiness of some of these cards.

Photographer: “Ok, Zarley that last shot was great. I love the sneakers with no socks look. Very cool and casual. The kids are gonna love it, but you know, I feel we need something with a little more, I don’t know… zazz! I don’t know, maybe you can sit on the boards and… hey wait… Hey buddy! Can you come over here and just put your arm around Zarley like you’re giving your son a pretend headlock?… Yeah, that’s great (snaps away at his camera). Ah yeah, just like that (continues snapping photos). Ok, Zarley can you just spread your legs a little bit? (Zarley obliges). Great! (keeps snapping away) Just a little bit wider, man. We can barely make out the bulge in your shorts (Zarley obliges again for some reason). Perfect! Yeah, the ladies are gonna love this!”

Zalapski scored 99 goals, and 285 assists in his 637-game NHL career, and at one time, was considered a top-pair defenseman during his time with the Hartford Whalers. Between 1990-91 and 1992-93 he posted seasons of 54, 57 and 65 points. He even scored 20 goals for Hartford in 1991-92. Sadly, Zarley Zalapski passed away due to complications from a viral infection in 2017 at just 49 years old.