If you are a pacifist, this is one fight I guarantee you are going to LOVE! I was so excited when I stumbled upon this event between Montreal’s Aaron Downey and Ottawa’s Brad Norton. You see, I’m a fan of the UFC. Not as much as I was a few years ago when Georges St. Pierre and Chuck Liddell were tearing up their respective weight classes, but I still enjoy the thrill of a good slobberknocker that could end in a knockout at any moment.

That being said, I’m actually not all that attached to fighting in the NHL. I really couldn’t care less if fighting completely disappeared from the game. I don’t think it adds much to the game, and frankly, with fighting becoming less and less frequent due to the lack of goons in today’s game, hockey has become faster and more exciting than it’s ever been. In my opinion, last season was the most exciting one I can remember witnessing in a long, long time, and I say that with absolute sincerity. Scoring was up, thrilling comebacks were aplenty, and there were surprises from game number one of the regular season right up to game seven of the Stanley Cup Final.

The game wasn’t always free-flowing and exciting, however. Back in the 1970s, games were as slow as molasses in January thanks to the goons in Philadelphia, not to mention the fact that almost every other team in the league loaded up on fighters just to keep up with the league champs. Then, in the 80s, 200+ penalty minute players were everywhere. Penalty records were set everywhere. Brawls were frequent, and hockey just got itself a bad name, which was a shame since the era featured some of the all-time greatest players, like Gretzky, Mario, Yzerman, and Stastny, just to name a few.

Then fighting became passé. Fighting’s critics were taken more and more seriously and goons were shunted out of the game, but once in a while a couple of toughies would drop the gloves and settle things mano-e-mano… like April 6, 2006, when Montreal’s Aaron Downey and Ottawa’s Brad Norton went toe to toe in a fight for the ages. That is, if a fight is still considered “toe to toe” when they are actually standing ten feet apart.

Now, there are two ways you can enjoy tonight’s main event:

1- You can watch the fight in its entirety below and then read my blow-by-blow analysis afterward, or,

2- You can read the exciting blow-by-blow analysis of the fight and then partake in its viewing afterward so you can better appreciate the excitement of this epic encounter.

Let’s analyze this beauty, shall we?

IIIIIIIIIIT’S TIME………! FIVE… er, um… ONE ROUND IN THE NHL’S HEAVYWEIGHT DIVISION!

Introducing first… fighting in the Montreal Canadiens’ end, standing at 6 feet, 1 inch, and weighing in at 215 lbs. Fighting out of Shelburne, Ontarioooooooooooo…

AARON DOWNEY

Introducing next… fighting in the Ottawa Senators’ end, standing at 6 feet, 4 inches, and weighing in at 230 lbs. Fighting out of Cambridge, Massachuuuuuuusetts…

BRAD NORTON

All right, gentlemen, let’s have a clean fight. Protect yourself at all times. If you want to touch gloves, you can.

If I have to predict a winner, I have to give Brad the edge due to his height and weight advantage. He’s also younger, which is surely going to be a factor in tonight’s main event.

I don’t know about you, but I can’t wait for this one to begin. Let’s get it on!

0:00 – Face off… Montreal takes possession when all of a sudden, on the bottom half of the screen, Mr. Downey and Mr. Norton have a little disagreement and decide to compare wedding rings, but before the film even comes completely into focus Downey tumbles to the ice. Not a promising start to what I am expecting to be a real donnybrook.

0:03 – Geez… Downey doesn’t exactly get off to a great start here, falling to the ice for the second time in three seconds. How dare that pesky Senators’ logo trip up an opponent like that!

0:07 – In case you missed Downey’s second flop, you can now see it in close-up form below.

As much as it looks like he’s doing the old “We’re not worthy!” routine from Wayne’s World, trust me, Downey fell against his will. Stupid gravity! We should have done away with Newton while we had the chance…

0:12 – Downey puts up his dukes and prepares to go to battle. Check out the intensity in his eyes in the screen shot below.

0:13 – Downey sets himself up for a big haymaker or perhaps he’s just finding his range before unloading on Norton. Always a good idea to plan things out before just jumping into a fray. It looks like he’s going to lead with his right, but then, oh-ho! he readjusts himself and leads with his left. That’s a lot of action for one whole second of fight time!

0:15 – Downey’s fist is pointing right in Norton’s direction as the Hab tries to measure up his opponent, but Norton IS NOT BACKING DOWN!

Oh man, is this going to be epic!

0:16 – This is why I love watching a good fight. There is just so much psychology wrapped into a match. “What exactly is going on inside a fighter’s brain?”, I sometimes think. Norton lifts up his sleeves ever so slightly because the dude doesn’t want that cloth getting in the way of his fists of fury. Or it might be an intimidation tactic, I’m not sure. It’s the little things like this that tell us that these guys are pros!

0:17 – Always remember to clear out the nose goblins before throwing down. Thanks for the tip, Brad!

0:18-0:21 – I’ll admit, the action is a bit slow during these four seconds, but it sure isn’t taking away from what has been a great battle so far!

0:22 – This fight is gettin’ pretty serious! Time for Brad to do some more psyching-up by putting a little bounce in his step. Always a good idea to stay limber in a moment of great tension.

0:24 – WHOA! Did you see that forward head bob? Brad is gettin’ ready to explode! I tried to capture a screen shot of it, but it was just too quick you all would have thought I didn’t know what I was doing.

0:25 – Holy s#!t, another head bob right toward Aaron! I can’t believe Aaron is still standing right now!

0:27 – NOW we’re gettin’ serious: the first punch of tonight’s main event! And it only missed Downey by about TWO FEET! I know the punch looks blurry in the image below, but that’s just because of the sheer speed of the punch and has absolutely nothing to do with the picture being a crappy YouTube screen grab. I gotta say this though: Downey’s not backing down in the face of tremendous adversity!

0:28 – If you think all the action is coming from Norton, think again. Did you see Aaron throw that head forward ever so slightly? Just slow down the video by about 75% and you’ll see it. (It’s ok if you don’t; we can’t all be experts at analyzing fights and such.) Now that both combatants have agreed that heads are legal in the preparation to the official first punch of the fight, we know things are going to get serious any moment.

0:30 – Ooh… another MASSIVE head bob from Downey! I mean, the dude may have just given himself whiplash with that sick move! I think he’s going to lunge at Norton any second now!

0:33 – Another fake-out from Norton! This thing is really getting serious! Any second now, folks… any second now, and…

0:37 – Whoa… did you see how Norton stretched out the fingers on his right hand? Just look at that!

I totally DID NOT SEE THAT COMING! I mean, usually you keep your fingers tucked into your hand to make a fist when you’re getting ready to deck someone, but maybe Brad learned some new fighting technique I’ve never heard of. Oh my God, I’m seriously getting worried about Downey’s well-being right now. I’m just glad he’s wearing a helmet!

0:39 – Wait… WHAT? IT…. IS….. OVER! C’mon ref, they were just getting warmed up! BOOOO! What a gyp!

I guess that means we are going to have to wait for the judge’s (i.e. my) decision:

How would I score this one? Well, I’m going to score it like they do in the UFC since that’s the criteria I’m most familiar with:

• Striking: Well, there wasn’t much “striking” unless you count Downey falling twice on his ass, which would qualify, by far, as the two biggest strikes in the fight, while Norton didn’t touch anything or anyone – ADVANTAGE: DOWNEY
• Grappling: I’m going to go off the board here, because neither opponent really touched the other – ADVANTAGE: REFEREES
• Control of the fighting area: Tough one. I feel that Norton had just a few more head bobs and forward movements throughout the fight – ADVANTAGE: NORTON
• Aggressiveness: Again, pretty tough here. Norton had a few more head bobs, and he also did that finger stretching thing, which might have been a gang sign like Kramer flashed at the Van Buren Boys in Seinfeld. Norton also controlled the pace of the fight by skating in on a retreating Downey. Plus, Norton also had one, count ’em ONE swing at Downey compared to zero swings for Downey, so I got to give it to Norton here too – ADVANTAGE: NORTON
• Defense: Wow, this is really hard! I’m not sure why Norton was playing with his sleeves at one point, but maybe it was some sort of defense strategy. Downey, on the other hand, knew how to back up over and over to avoid Norton’s offense, and when you think about it, isn’t that really a form of defense? – ADVANTAGE: DOWNEY

JUDGE’S DECISION: DRAW