I know what you’re thinking: “Steve, you’ve already inducted that God-awful 1994-95 Upper Deck Be a Player some two years ago. Good lord, was that thing terrible!” And you would be correct. You can even find said induction right here. What you won’t find in that induction, however, is this stunningly stupid card featuring Joe Sakic having lunch. Considering this set also features players hitting the links over and over and over again, I’m sure you’re not surprised that this thing here actually exists. This card is so uncomfortable-looking that I just had to go out of my way to induct it as well.

Unlike most weeks when I present another one of these inexplicable cards, I’m actually going to admit I did a little background research into this card. That’s right, I downloaded the back of the card and posted it below for your viewing pleasure, and as you’ll find out in a couple seconds, it is rather revealing.

So, let’s get this straight: Upper Deck took the time and spent the money to get Joe Sakic in a restaurant just to make him smile? Seems like an awful lot of effort just for a hockey card that could have just featured something resembling, you know, hockey. I mean, if they really just wanted to make the dude smile, couldn’t they have just waved the latest issue of Playboy under his nose?

I know Upper Deck had its own professional photographer at the restaurant taking this shot, but this card is so awkward-looking that when I look at it, I feel the person snapping the photo was not a photographer but actually the 97th fan to ask him for an autograph that day, and that all Joe wanted to do was finish his meal before it got cold.

We’ll let you get back to that delicious plate, Joe.