Poor Jason Marshall. It’s picture day, and he’s got a broken honker and a couple of black eyes. Or maybe it’s just two eyes that are crying out, “Uh, fine, take your f*cking picture, you dick. You couldn’t wait just one day, could you?” If I’m Jason, I’m telling the photographer, “You know what, that’s ok. I don’t need to have a hockey card this year. Why don’t you take a picture of the trainer or the stick boy or something. Seriously, I insist.” The other thing that just SCREAMS early 90s on this card is the nauseating red and black speckled border. I swear this kind of thing was all the rage back then. I sometimes wonder how the hell my eyeballs survived those years. I know every decade has its share of eye-cancer causing colours and schemes on hockey cards, in TV shows, and ads, but I honestly believe the (ahem) artists who came up with just about anything between the years 1990 and 1994 scraped the absolute bottom of the barrel for ideas, and nothing before or since was more headache-inducing.

Luckily for Jason, NHL teams didn’t base their judgement of him on his physical appearance. Or maybe they did. That broken nose probably wasn’t achieved building model airplanes, if you know what I mean. Throughout his minor-league and major-league career, Jason was a regular member of the Triple-Digit Penalty Minute Club. In 526 career NHL games, he scored all of 16 goals, but accumulated a whopping 1004 minutes in the sin bin before leading over to Germany for two years, where he picked up another 432 minutes in just 90 games. Who knows, maybe that broken nose captured on cardboard in the early 90s was the reason Jason was able to retire a very rich man.