I usually write these inductions a few weeks, even months ahead of time, and then I post them when I feel it has been too long since the last induction. Sometimes I post them when I have nothing better to add to the site. This time, however, I couldn’t resist posting a new induction just a few days after it came to my attention. And boy did this thing come to my attention something fierce! It beckoned me like that green light the Great Gatsby can’t stop gazing at across the lake. This induction lit up my television screen last Saturday evening just as I was getting ready to step out with the wife to watch “Three Billboards Outside Ebbing, Missouri”. If you were watching the Stadium Series game between the Washington Capitals and Toronto Maple Leafs, you know exactly what I am talking about. This induction simply could not wait any longer. I present to you the latest cringe-worthy addition to the Hockey Hall of Shame, the 2018 Toronto Maple Leafs Stadium Series uniforms.

It has been a grand total of six days from the moment this abomination poisoned my television to the day this induction was posted, which is a site record that may never be touched. This induction just called to me… loudly. Very, very loudly. These uniforms were so loud my eardrums burst. So loud that Master of Puppets-era Metallica was like, “Sweet Jesus, turn it down, man!” I do declare that these monstrosities are the most nauseating, stomach-turning threads in the history of professional hockey. And just think of the territory that covers.

Now, I will admit I am no Toronto Maple Leafs fan, but just take a look at these things and tell me I’m being biased

I know what you’re thinking: Morgan Reilly doesn’t look that bad in this get-up. Sure, the white gloves are kind of a goofy idea, but hey, it’s worked so far for the Vegas Golden Knights, so who am I to judge. But the white pants? Well, that has never, ever looked good. Just ask Tommy Williams…

These atrocities from the 1974-75 Capitals did not last long, and for good reason. You see, when players sweat, slide on ice and have all sorts of blood, boogers, phlegm, and puck marks leaving stains everywhere, white pants become a real bad idea real fast. At least the Caps had the good sense to wear their white pants with a dark jersey, making our eyes bleed just a little less. But the Leafs? Good Lord is that one awful-looking uniform! Unless, of course, you’re trying to hide from the FBI and you happen to be skating on a white surface. In that case? Freakin’ genius!

Auston Matthews: “We’re so gonna win this game of Hockey-Team Hide and Go Seek!”

Or maybe the Leafs were trying to channel the spirit of Tron Guy.

I dare you to look at that shot of the Leafs skating around and tell me they don’t look like a bunch of Tron Guys skating around. Take another look…

I swear, when night-light manufacturers caught a glimpse of these uniforms, they crapped their pants thinking about how much their net worth would plummet if parents started buying these for their kids.

That being said, if the Leafs really wanted to make a statement with their all-white uniforms, I really don’t understand why they didn’t go all out, break out the latex house paint and slap a coat of the white stuff on their skates, à la California Golden Seals circa 1972.

A great opportunity wasted, I say. Shame!

Remember what a great idea those white skates were, and how they blended into the white ice and made the Seals players look like they were skating on stumps? What? You say that wasn’t a great idea? Exactly! They looked goofy! Just like the 1974-75 Caps looked goofy! WHY IN THE WORLD BRING OUT ALL-WHITE UNIFORMS WHEN THEY HAVE NEVER, EVER, EVER, EVER, EVER WORKED IN THE HISTORY OF PROFESSIONAL HOCKEY?

Even these uniforms would have looked better… Remember this beauty?

Or this one? Meow!

Or this one here, when Mike Modano reminded us of where we all come from? (If you don’t understand what I mean, take a real close look at that logo).

OK, I stand corrected; I may have stepped a tad over the line in declaring the Leafs’ jerseys as hockey’s all-time worst. These other uniforms are downright unbelievable. Just revolting. These are like “The Room” of bad jerseys. The Leafs uni? I’d say it’s more like the “Plan 9 From Outer Space” of bad jerseys, but that’s still reason enough to induct them into the Hockey Hall of Shame.