Ha! Gotcha! This card has something FAR MORE sinister and evil than old Beelzebub.
I may have figured out the reason why so many people hate the Toronto Maple Leafs. Man it must suck being a Leafs fan knowing that this twerp has touched the Stanley Cup more than any other Leaf in 50 years.
I’m surprised Donruss didn’t go with a more respectable Leafs fan like The Cat in the Hat or something. In the exact same set, the Vancouver Canucks have Pamela Anderson and Michael Ontkean (yes, Ned Braden from Slap Shot!) as fans. The Detroit Red Wings get Willa Ford. Sure, her music kinda sucks too, and I honestly have no idea if she’s even relevant anymore (I barely listen to anything that was recorded past my thirtieth birthday) but at least she’s good looking so that’s a step up. And that’s about it: Ford, Ontkean, Anderson, and Satan here. There are only five cards in the set, including one of Canadian folk singing legend Stompin’ Tom Connors.
How could I ever be a fan of a team that the Prince of Putrid himself, Justin Bieber, supports? Then again, now that he’s also touched the Stanley Cup, I don’t know if I ever want my beloved Habs to ever win it again. (The way they’ve started this season, I shouldn’t have to worry about that much). It’s kind of like watching your two-year-old pick his nose, then rub its contents on his toast, and then offer you a piece. Thanks, kid, but I’ll just stick to something more healthy, like this Petry dish full of active Ebola strains.
Just the fact Bieber is wearing red like the Habs makes me want to rethink my whole loyalty to the team I’ve supported since 1987. Congratulations, Justin, you’ve just accomplished something I never thought possible: you’ve ruined hockey for me.