AHHH! MY EYES! MY EYES!
Wow, that’s something I don’t EVER need to see again. Sometimes I spend so much time searching the Internet looking for hockey pictures from the 60s, 70s, 80s, and 90s hoping to find that special piece of bewildering cardboard that I forget there’s lots of crap from the Obama years too. Case in point, Crotchy here.
Who in their right mind thought THIS was a good idea for a card? I would never consider myself artistically inclined. I don’t know how to take a decent photo. I can’t even paint a fence let alone paint a portrait. There are a lot of real artists out there, however, who can take the mundane and make it beautiful. Some artists, however, like the dude who took this photo, was obviously going for something avant-garde or edgy or something-or-other, but completely missed the boat. Little tip: sometimes, it’s not necessary to TRY to be artistic. Sometimes, it just happens organically and naturally (are those synonyms?). Sometimes, you just have to face facts, sorry to say, it’s a freakin’ hockey card, and if you’re the photographer shooting the player for said card, you are never going to win any prizes for your work. They don’t hand out prizes for sports cards. Ever. Now, because of this, I can never look at Emerson Etem the same way again. I hope I never run into Emerson at the local rink, because, man, is that going to be one awkward moment. From now on, he’ll always be THAT Ducks player who so thoughtfully spread his legs open in front of my face.