This week, we present you the Vancouver Canucks’ Incredible Shrinking Man, Dennis Kearns.  According to Hockey-Reference.com, Dennis was 5’9″, so unless he was zapped by a shrink ray of some sort, someone screwed up royally when they made this card.

Just look at a few other players from this same set and you’ll see what I mean.

See how their heads are all nestled closely to the “Golden Seals” at the top of the card? Geez, Croteau looked big enough to eat pipsqueak Dennis. Just check out Dennis’ card once again.

Couldn’t they have given the guy some lifts to stuff into his skates, or maybe a soap box to stand on? What about one of those infamous cut-and-paste jobs the 1971-72 set is notorious for? Remember this one?

God bless you, Dave Balon for making me smile literally every time I lay my eyes on that slightly tilted, smiling mug and the outstretched “Whatcha got, bro?” arms.

Despite the shabby treatment from O-Pee-Chee so early in his professional career, Dennis persevered and played ten years in the world’s best league. It is somewhat strange that when the Canucks peaked in 1974-75 with a Smythe Division championship, Dennis struggled scoring just one goal and 11 assists in 49 games. When the Canucks began their seemingly-eternal backslide, Dennis peaked, scoring five goals and 46 assists in 1975-76, and then five goals and 55 assists the next year, followed by a four-goal, 43-assist season in 1977-78. As the 2020-21 season got underway, Kearns was still top 3 among Canucks defensemen in career assists (290) and points (321). Not bad for a guy who may or may not have been 4’11”.